Crunch time has arrived.
I have heard horror stories of what people go through the last few weeks before the bar exam, but I sortof imagined that I would be able to keep a level head, a steady pace, and avoid the "crazies." And for the last month and a half, I've done a pretty good job. I multi-task, I study hard but take breaks, keep on schedule, and try not to get too distracted.
However, I guess it was naive to think that I could sneak past the inevitable functional-periodic-nervous-breakdown that is the "last two weeks." Since Sunday, I've struggled against an foreboding sense of impending doom, trying to convince myself that my hard work is going to pay off. That I am not, in fact, going to fail the bar exam. That I will not have to cycle through this nonsense in preparation to take the infernal test again in February. And I'm slowly reconstructing my confidence, but it is not without spontaneous malfunctions here and there.
I have a lawyer friend who commented that during the lunch breaks on the second and third days of the exam (that's right - lunch breaks. During a test. A three-day test.), she used to pack a lunch (to avoid the "crazies" in nearby restaurants) of Nilla Wafers, peanut butter, a pack of cigarettes, and a bottle of Pepto Bismol - and sit in her car and go through flash cards until the next half of the exam that day. I initially laughed, thinking that was a little extreme.
But I suddenly find myself inexplicably fixated on a steady diet of frozen salisbury steak, pizza rolls, and celery. And I have developed this very annoying stress-related condition/nonsense. I almost lost my shit because someone sent me a text message mere minutes before my alarm was supposed to wake me up before today's practice exam, and I felt it was an injustice of epic proportions that I should miss a few more winks of sleep than I'd planned. I haven't bought gas in a month because I barely leave my house (aka the study fort). I haven't worn makeup since graduation back in May, I think.
But, despite the "crazies," I am slowly and steadily working through the remaining material to review, plowing through practice questions and exams, and generally keeping as optimistic as possible with the help and commiseration of a few lovely, patient, equally-falling-apart "crazies." Hanging in there. Bring on the Criminal Procedure, Torts, Commercial Paper, Consumer Protection, and Pepto Bismol.